At first I thought it was blue tape on their fingers, the Masterchef contestants, but eventually I realised it was blue plasters. Whether they’re amateurs or professionals, the chefs on TV always seem to be covered in plasters on their fingers and burns on their hands and arms.
I’m not a great cook. I can make a few things well but I’m not very comfortable or confident outside of my repertoire. John is a great cook. Something I’ve noticed is he’s willing to take risks I am not. I’ll be faffing around wondering if the frying pan is the right temperature to crack the eggs into yet and he’ll come over and just put his hand on the base of the pan. Touching hot pans, getting in there, moving at speed with sharp and hot implements – these are the kinds of things that result in both a well executed plate of food and blue plasters on extremities. Great cooks are so focused on making the dish that they sometimes get hurt a little.
When I cook I am focused on avoiding even a tiny bit of pain and I put that ahead of getting the cookery just right. For that reason I will never be a great cook. You can’t be great at anything if your primary concern is not being hurt. Being really good at something means getting hurt. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.
I’m a much better writer than cook because I’m willing to face the emotional and psychological pain that goes along with the task. And with that willingness I’m able to throw in and do what it takes to put out a good piece. I’m learning this is true of everything in my life, not just work. Being the person I want to be – as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend – it all comes down to the willingness to be hurt. When we fail to make ourselves vulnerable enough to reach out, to hear the other, to ask for what we need, it’s usually because we don’t want to risk being hurt.
Making yourself vulnerable in the pursuit of creating something great is terrifying and painful and glorious all at once. And the alternative, of course, is to live with the kind of wounds that can’t be held together with plasters.
