I ’ve never been great at small talk, which kinda fits in my work because the conversations I have with people go deep fast. When I consult with a client, even if it’s just a one-off session for a couple of hours, I usually have them send me their life story in 10-15 bullet points beforehand. When our conversation begins time is rarely wasted sitting on the surface. We get straight to wrangling with the real stuff.
That I get to work like this is a privilege. That people are willing to share themselves and their lives with me is not something I take lightly. I see more of the reality of people’s work and lives than most. What I’ve learned from listening to countless business owners is that there is pain, strife and trauma in most people’s past. There is uncertainty, insecurity and struggle in their present. And there are varying degrees of loneliness and isolation.
This is not unique to my customers. I’ve been in enough masterminds and business groups to know this is typical of entrepreneurs and business owners. That doesn’t worry me. Pain and struggle are a part of life. What worries me is the culture that stops us from talking about this stuff. Earlier in this series I wrote about the limitations of the business world stemming from it being male-dominated. Another symptom of the over-representation of male energy in the business world is this macho culture where it’s acceptable to puff out your chest and talk about how you’re ‘killing it’, but there’s no space to talk about how hard it can be at times.
Mental health issues are everywhere in the business world, we just don’t talk about them. And it’s not just our mental health that suffers. When productivity is fetishised and people are getting up at 5am to execute their 3 hour morning routine – complete with workout, journalling, meditation, goal setting, metrics management, homemade green juice, reading, volunteer work plus 10 other things alongside getting the kids ready for school – and then working late into the night as well, things start to give physically as well as emotionally.
There is a distinct lack of gentleness in all of this. It’s like a bootcamp for tough guys. But bootcamp was never intended to last forever. And we all know that tough guys need to cry more than most.
I’d like to see a business world that treats people as human beings. Where there is room for compassion and gentleness alongside healthy striving. I’d like to see a working world where we are realistic and honest about our productivity and quality of life.
Maybe a 3 hour morning routine is right for you. But if it’s not you don’t have to force yourself into someone else’s definition of success. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to what you need. Know you’re not alone. And reach out when things are difficult.
