I ‘m pretty good at remembering names. Perhaps unusually so. I think I get it from my mother. No one I know uses the name of the person they’re talking to more than she does. I noticed it as a kid. We’d bump into someone in the supermarket and her side of the conversation would go something like this:
“Hello Michelle, how’re ye doin’?”
“How’s your mammy, Michelle?”
“She’s better, Michelle? That’s great news.”
“Michelle, tell me this, have you seen Anne recently?”
In the wrong hands this level of name usage would come across as smarmy or disingenuous but my mother is a pro. She’s a natural people person.
I remembering dropping into my dad’s office with her when I was young. As I visibly squirmed in the presence of so many semi-strangers one of the women who worked there turned to my mother and said, “None of your children have your pleasantries, Siobhan.”
When we had visitors at home I was constantly being reminded to use their names. “Don’t just say ‘Hello’. Say ‘Hello Geraldine.'” I was clear that my quietness and awkwardness was a failing.
I continued to believe that through school, university and into my professional life. Then I found myself in the world of online marketing, which by and large is a world dominated by some pretty brash guys. The advice they tend to give is “do like I do.” I really wanted to make my business work so I went against my instincts and started following the advice, being a bit louder, employing some of the gimmicks and attempting to become more of a ‘personality’.
It didn’t take long before I realised that approach was not for me. I couldn’t deny it was working though – it was getting attention and bringing in leads and customers. But it wasn’t me; it was me doing an impression of someone else, someone not like me at all. And so it was with a degree of desperation that I switched to doing things in a quieter way that was more in line with who I am.
It took me longer than I’d like to admit but I realised you can step up and be visible in a quieter way. Some people are naturally loud or extroverted or have an in-your-face style. I salute those people. I enjoy their work. But I am not one of them. And to my relief I discovered I don’t have to become them to get myself and my work out into the world.
